I sat behind a young mommy the other day on a flight from Houston to Newark. She had a sweet little baby boy less than a year old in tow. He was adorable and occasionally noisy but not so much the latter. Some part of me wanted to say “been there many times and it can be done!” The other part of me wanted to say “put your seatbelt on lady. It’s going to be a bumpy ride!” But she had it well under control, and I just enjoyed his toothy smile peering back at me through the opening in the seat. Parenting. Is there any tougher assignment? I think probably not! There’s only one way to tackle this job: head on! With perseverance, unquenchable hope, humility, resolve, and a boat load of love. Still there is this tension I see constantly for moms: to work outside the home or to not work outside the home? What’s best for my kids? With regard to the ever irritating phrase “working mother,” has there ever been a title more misleading, misused, and often misplaced-driving a wedge between us? Two camps. Two polarized views of how parenting (mothering) is defined. Well let’s work on setting this record straight. Regardless of which camp you’re in, know that each has something to learn about the other. And know that each often, commonly maintains a lie of its own! But first things first! I believe yes that there is ONE thing that we ALL agree on right? That ONE thing is this: the kids are the most important thing! Not our jobs, college degrees, or our household income. Not our volunteer activities, projects OR the kids’ extra curricular activities! Once we make the decision to raise that child as our own, it’s like we’ve signed an automatic disclaimer and acknowledgment of responsibility: “I know and accept as truth that it’s our (or my) job to raise this child to be a productive, compassionate, and generous human being!” Surely, that’s our #1 goal. Surely that’s the ONE thing. Otherwise and if not, we’re signing on to “raise this child to be a non-productive, self-centered, and selfish human being!” Ok so you see it really doesn’t MATTER if you work OUTSIDE the home or if you work full-time AT HOME. We all have (should have) the same goal. We are raising productive, compassionate, and generous adults! If that’s NOT your goal as parents, then for you this blog ends here. For the rest of us: whether we work outside the home or not, here’s food for thought. What do you have to do to attain the #1 thing? Do it. Don’t lie to yourself and say “I have to work. I have two car payments and a X square hundred foot house.” (when in fact you could drive a lot cheaper and paid for car and/or live in a smaller house!) Instead say I want to work because I think working outside the home contributes to my children’s welfare this way ________!” Then sell that to yourself! If you’re a stay at home mom who feels like this is the best decision for your family, then don’t lie to yourself and say “this decision will produce perfect children.” Remember we want to produce productive, compassionate and generous adults. There’s no such thing as perfect people much less perfect children. What’s involved in the former is far more reaching! Maybe you’re glued to “projects” or the computer, and your daycare arrangement is the television. Reexamine your family values and your decision to not work outside the home. “I think my decision contributes to the #1 thing for this reason,_______!” Then sell that to yourself. So here’s my final and humble suggestion: 1st please cease with the phrase “working mothers!” I really hate that phrase. In the majority of cases, it’s absolutely redundant. I rarely EVER meet a mother who is not working. And 2nd, why is there not a blog about the working dads dilemma? That’s for another day. And another blog entry.
Ironically, Paul and I were in Paris on the day Charlie Hebdo was attacked by terrorists, which left 12 innocent people dead. We had arrived at our hotel that very evening. We were reading emails and text messages from friends and family back home, even before we saw it on CNN inside our hotel room. Naturally, they were concerned for our safety. I found it ironic that we were more concerned for our safety in our hometown back in Texas than in this foreign city of 2,000,000 plus inhabitants. This-in spite of the horrific terrorist attack that had tragically occurred just hours before our arrival. Why? Maybe because (on American soil) I survived the Oklahoma City bombing, but lost 5 of my best friends and multiple colleagues to an act of terrorism, albeit domestic. Maybe it’s because my law enforcement background reminds me there is no perfectly safe place in this world. No place that is completely crime proof. No school. No city. No workplace. Or maybe it’s because the crime in our hometown in Texas (population 11000) a suburb of Houston (population 2,200,000) boasts a ridiculously high crime rate. The Whataburger restaurant frequented by our teenagers (sans parents) was recently robbed at gunpoint along with its patrons, including two students from our high school. Nearby CVS, Walgreens, and Burger King, and many other businesses, have been robbed and/or burglarized recently. Sadly, home invasions in our immediate area are reported way more than I like to hear. It’s unsettling. The mall closest to us in proximity (also frequented by our teenagers sans parents) was the scene of a robbery the very week we were in France. They held women at gunpoint, and took their purses. Those same perpetrators then followed a woman in her vehicle for miles purportedly to reach her home. Only their home invasion scheme was foiled due to her vigilance and awareness. She noticed their car in her rear view mirror, and called the police. Later, the police apprehended them in a neighborhood where several of our friends live just north of ours. They were taken into custody without further incident. Neighborhood and vehicle break-ins are very common in our neighborhood and the surrounding area. And it doesn’t matter if they are gated subdivisions or not. I don’t mean to be the bearer of gloom and doom. I just want to deliver a reality check to anyone who thinks that traveling to a foreign country-or even a different state within these wonderful United States-is too risky. Look closer. Reevaluate! Of course there are places that are such a threat to Americans that traveling there poses too high a risk-places like North Korea, Iran, or Iraq. But alas, France is not one of them. Nor are the countries that border France. And really, how regrettable and sad that there was not ONE American President, diplomat or US representative from our great country in attendance on Saturday (January 10, 2015) at a world rally in Paris, to join together with France and so many other countries taking a stand against the viciousness of terrorism. Seriously, this broke my heart as an American patriot, as a former ex pat of Europe, as a frequent visitor to France-a country who has treated me with the utmost respect and care each time I have visited. I thought about the beaches of Normandy on D-DAY June 6, 1944. Thousands of Americans and other allies lost their lives on those French beaches in a battle that ultimately helped liberate France from Nazi tyranny. Yet 71 years later, we are completely absent at a Paris rally of the free world to end terrorism. Our American history with France is infinite and rich, and that history crosses the French borders to include surrounding countries of Europe’s free world. We should embrace that, teach it, share it, and as much as possible enjoy it whether that means talking about it, writing about it, reading about it, or if you are lucky enough-getting your passport stamped! Anything less is tipping a hat to those low-down, hateful, spiteful, foul-mouthed, no good-evil terrorists! Je suis Charlie!