The NEED to Control: What’s it worth to you?

What's it worth?
What’s it worth?

I expend a ton of energy trying to control things-some things plausible: my schedule, people and events-some things not so plausible: my schedule, people, and events. As I’ve gotten older, I realize that how well one controls isn’t nearly as important as how well one manages (and nurtures) what it is that we are trying to control. How do we manage and nurture our relationships? Our time? The ultimate frustration comes from trying to control something that has been mismanaged in the first place. For instance, you may try to control your spouse (their ideas, opinions) in a way that fortifies your position, but YET you’ve mismanaged that relationship along the way. You’ve not prioritized date nights. You avoid his love language while fully expecting him to accommodate yours. You never acknowledge her day or show interest in her other than to discuss daily family logistics. And what about teenagers? Wow! One word ignites so many emotions: drama, hormonal changes, arrogant, loving, moody, confused, enlightened, depressed, happy. Try controlling all of that. It’s really not possible. Those relationships have to be managed well from the time they are toddlers. This helps navigate that rocky and uncertain but exciting journey of adolescence. But it is never too late to manage well. It is never too late to disengage the “control” button and engage your “manage with excellence” button. Never. Too. Late. Just step fully into your role as wife, husband, father, mother, son, daughter, employee, or employer, and do the next right thing. Manage isn’t equal to “just getting by.” Manage means literally to “succeed in accomplishing, to exercises direction, to work upon, to handle or direct with a degree of skill,” Merriam/Webster. The strong manage their lives. They nurture their relationships. The weak try to control everything. I know I have been guilty of trying to control everything and every relationship in my life. And the harder I try, the harder it becomes. Trying to control all facets of your life and others will send you over the proverbial edge. Our American culture has cultivated a society of free thinkers. Self expression, creativity, and innovation are hallmarks of America. Your loved ones, your employees and employers are a part of that culture. That’s a difficult bunch to control. Our time is better spent learning how to prioritize our commitments, how to nurture our relationships, and how to be good stewards of what you have been given: things like food, money, time, homes, cars, and the like! We need to exchange rigidity with flexibility. Hate for hope. A “jam-packed I ain’t got no time for anyone schedule,” with margin. We need to exchange living paycheck to paycheck with financial peace. Control for self-control. If you’re wondering “Is it ever possible for peace to be a part of my life vocabulary?” If you’re wondering “Can this difficult situation ever be reconciled?” Maybe you should examine your ability or lack thereof to relinquish the wheel. The one you’re griping with white knuckles! For me, I have decided that self-control is actually a more palpable idea, managing my stuff, my time, my money, my relationships. This demands humility. Control requires arrogance. If only I had known this sooner! But as we said before, it’s never too late to start to manage. Make your own new beginning. It’s not so much a resolution as it is a heart-felt desire.

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