Tag Archives: Christianity

Telling Your Fear to Stand Down: Phobos vs. Yare’.

On the subject of fear, we all have it, but is it phobos, or is it a yare’?  It  makes a difference.

Phobos is the original greek word for the fear found in 1 John 4:18. which says “There is no fear (phobos) in love. But perfect love drives out fear (phobos), because fear (phobos) has to do with punishment. The  one who fears, (who has phobos,) is not make perfect in love.”  This fear we all know and recognize. This greek word is defined as terror or alarm, and the part I find the most eye-opening: withdrawing or fleeing for feeling inadequate, or to avoid because of dead fright. Phobos.

In 2 Timothy 1:7  We are told clearly that “God did not give us a spirit of fear (deilia) but one of power, love, and self-discipline.”  The original word used here for fear is deilia which means timidity or cowardice. Ouch. Both deilia and phobos are the types of fear that control us, keep us sidetracked; off-center, out of balance; preoccupied; and therefore….unhappy and disgruntled with the world and the people around us.  Do you see any connections?

On the other hand yare’, a wholly different kind of fear found in Deuteronomy 10:12 seems to be one that drives us forward; motivates us; spurs us on to do the right thing; to embrace healthy risk, Hope, and goodness:  “And now, O Israel, what does the LORD your God ask of you but to fear (yare’) the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and decrees that I am giving you today for your own good?”   

Phobos. Yare’.

The first, phobos, is the one that most all of us fall victim to-I don’t care what religion you profess, even no religion at all. We all fall victim to phobos.  I mean these are the original Greek and Hebrew definitions for two distinctly different types of fears, particularly as they are used in this context, and the ancient writers of scripture apparently found them useful in making sure their readers understood the types of behavior characteristic of both phobos and yare’.

 Phobos vs. Yare

I just finished a 15 day overseas trip with my youngest daughter Katie. The tradition started when my oldest daughter Shelby graduated from high school and requested a “mom and daughter” trip.  She chose England. My middle daughter chose France and Katie chose Ireland.  What does this all have to do with phobos you ask?

Well, a lot really.

I think I am guilty as charged of posting a plethora of pictures when traveling, perhaps presenting the idea that “this is all so carefree and easy.”  Tripping across the ocean alone with my child, renting a car and driving on the left (the wrong) side of the road; negotiating foreign lands, cultures, ferries, boats, planes, uncharted territories and situations. I often feel overwhelmed with the responsibility of being the sole caretake for my girl-protecting her from harm’s way were it indeed to come our way. I pour over the details in pre-planning stages, then when we are in the eye of the storm, I reexamine, every. single. night. our itinerary for the next day. Truth. I sometimes lose sleep  (not just from jet lag) and have a lot of anxiety.

That is when I realize that the phobos of 1 John 4:18 is taking hold of me, and I need to tell it to stand down.  Because the almighty God is the house. I know this specifically because 1 Corinthians 3:16 is explicit about where the Almighty dwells….in me. I am the house.

When I trade phobos in for yare’, He moves into first place, and my phobos is suppressed by the only thing it can be, yare’.  Yare’ is phobos’ greatest enemy.  Yeah we need to name our fear.

Life is full of bumps in the road, to put it mildly right?  Death, murder, loss, bad diagnosis, betrayal, disappointment, depression, and that is just the tip of the iceberg. There are plenty of opportunities for us to be 100% consumed by a phobos kind of fear. Yes! But we have 100% reason to not be either. We have all the more reason to be covered with a yare’ kind of fear.

If you were to take a poll of 100 people and asked them which emotion consumes them the most. Which one takes up residence in their hearts and minds, I think phobos would be the clear winner.   Yes, it wins over all of them: jealousy, anger, hurt, sadness, joy, disgust…because I believe phobos is at the root of all of these emotions. I belive that phobos is the common denominator among all of our negative emotions.  Just as yare‘ is perhaps the common denominator among all of our positive emotions.

Fear (phobos) of inferiority or insignificance can cause jealousy.
Fear (phobos) of commitment can cause loneliness.
Fear (phobos) of loss can cause depression .
Fear (phobos) of failure can cause timidity.
Fear (phobos) of the darkness can cause hopelessness.

On the other hand,

Fear (yare’) of God, can lead to understanding.
Fear (yare’) of God can lead to wisdom.
Fear (yare’) of God can lead to Hope.
Fear (yare’) of God can lead to Joy.

So what can we do about phobos? Capture every single thought that is riddled with phobos and trample it into a million fragments under your feet into nothingness.  Every thought or pretention that sets itself up as truth-but yet it is not-let it disintegrate into the same darkness from which it came. (2 corinthians 10:5) If you need to, write your phobos on a piece of paper, and rip the paper to shreds. It is a thought, a contention, a fear- a phobos- whose only purpose is to separate you from your God, from yare’.

Yare’ advances us. Phobos puts us into retreat.
Yare’ puts phobos in its place. Yare’  tells phobos in no uncertain terms to stand down.  My God is in the house.

Jesus as the 3rd Alternative

Too often the way we live our lives lowers the bar of expectation. We need to remember whose we are. If we live our lives in a way that rises up only as far as is necessary in meeting the standards set by the world around us, (ie ungodly friends or associates, social networking, the media, or sin that entangles us), then not only are we not honoring God’s call in our life but we are cheating ourselves out of the best life He has for us. (John 10:10 ). This goes for all of us, whether you profess Christianity or not. Remember whose we are. Live THAT life.  And once we establish that for ourselves, we can more easily make a decision to parent that way as well.  Encouraging our kids to live a life free from the tyranny of their culture and a legalistic religion, both of which are void of depth in relationships, will propel them farther in life and toward success than you and I could ever imagine. I would humbly and joyfully submit to you this: You have a 3rd alternative in parenting. You can choose Jesus. 

Graphic Art Creds: Emma Gulitti Content: The Author

Faith in Culture: Our culture is pushing arrogance and egotism onto our kids at alarming levels. This narcissistic model for teaching empowerment is hardly a worthy prototype for moving our kids towards a life full of healthy relationships and successful and joyful living. This alternative lies to them. But how? By teaching them that they are the center of their universe. That everyone and everything revolves around him! It’s a cruel joke in the end, as soon as they realize they are not the center of the universe. Ambiguity and confusion along with a lack of absolute truth about who they are intrinsically, leads them to real disappointment. A disappointment that fails to encourage service to others, compassion and generosity, truthfulness, and a strong work and leadership ethic. Impulsiveness is the name of the game. Reactive versus proactive. Reckless endangerment of their mental health and sadly, the mental and emotional health of others. “If it feels good, then I can do it,” or “If it feels good, then I can be it,” is the pervading message of our culture. But the world we live in, carefully and strategically, wraps all of this up in a package, which on the outside says something nice about your right to be whoever and whatever you want to be. Indeed, a tenet we have employed in raising our own girls. But not at the expense of teaching them who God says they are first. The problem is when you peel back the layers of this first alternative, you find no person standing in your corner when you’re losing. No one cheering you on when you’re winning. Just a shallow selfless way of living that leaves you alone and empty.

Faith in Religion: Tolerance or Religion VS. Grace. A pastor friend of mine, Dan, once said “Tolerance is a cheep and flimsy virtue compared to robust examples of grace like patience, hospitality, justice, kindness, and love.” Grace is something that falls out of “true religion” that is revealed to us in James 1:27: “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” Discouraging you from teaching your child to place her faith in religion, does not mean there is no such thing as a conversion experience, a moment we all must have when we commit our lives to Christ. Or else, did Christ die for nothing? No, not at all. But imploring your child to check off all the appropriate boxes in order to save her soul, at the expense of teaching her that true faith is characterized by a personal relationship in Jesus, is flat wrong. Do this, and you can add her to the ever growing list of church casualties that fill the pews of our churches, and the halls of our government offices, schools, and homes. Don’t fall victim to this distorted view of your child’s faith. Jesus wasn’t just a 1st century program for the new covenant church. The bible is the sum of all its parts and more. It is a story about a Savior. And in that story, Jesus  was in the beginning, the middle and the end (John 1:1 Revelations 22:13) And that story didn’t end on the island of Patmos at the end of Revelations. Not nearly. This story is still ongoing. We are all part of it. Where do you see yourself in that story? Your answer to that is critical in understanding the need for us to read the bible as seekers and not cavilers. For teaching our kids true faith in Jesus and not just our version of religion.

Faith in Jesus: The exponentially cool thing about teaching your child to place his faith in Jesus, is that Jesus won’t fail him. No we don’t teach a prosperity gospel, or a “hard times will never come to you if you only believe,” gospel. Not even. Faith in Jesus means faith in someONE that never changes, never fails, even when the world or people in your life fail you. And they will. Jesus stands unmovable. “God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope set before us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain.” Hebrews 6:18-19

Whether we want to admit it or not, the previous decades leading up to our “here and now” have led our kids down multiple stray paths. Where they choose to place their faith matters. What you teach them about where to place their faith matters. I would ask you to humbly and with an open spirit, consider the faith alternatives I have proposed here. This isn’t something I made up. Nor is it something that will be unfamiliar to you. All I did was put it in perspective in the form of a visual graphic. As parents, early on, (as early as possible), we can choose the 3rd alternative. We can make a decision to point them down a path that allows them to live a life of abundance, even in sorrow and hardship, that the other two reigning alternatives simply cannot do for them. And if you are reading this in the later stages of parenting, stop, take a breath, and regroup. It’s never too late to engage your children with truth coupled with unconditional love. It’s never too late to “Do The Next Right Thing.” It’s never too late to offer them the 3rd alternative: A life with Jesus.

Galatians 5:1 says: “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” If only we could see how those first two alternatives put a strangle hold on our children, a “yoke of slavery,” and how Jesus just wants to set them free from that.

Faith part 1: Believing God Can even when he does not…

I have only to consider the beauty of nature when I wonder for even a single second if God “can.”

This may be an oldie (post) but a goodie.

Recently, an acquaintance made an innocent statement that said, “Faith is not believing that God can, but that God will.” I think this could be misleading. Okay, I think in some cases it could even be bad theology-depending on what the writer is referring to-our preferred outcomes OR God’s power. I flip this around a little bit. Because I believe faith IS indeed believing that God can– even when He does NOT. Faith is believing in the power of God even when the outcome is not to my liking. If your life doesn’t turn out the way you planned, does that render your God powerless? The short answer to that is “No.” But how often do you unconsciously act this out in your life, “My faith will be strong when_________” “I will believe in the power of God when I see this happen:_____________” Well, let’s see, When I meet the perfect man or woman and get married. When I have a baby. When I get that great job. When I see my children to adulthood. “ OR I will believe in the power of God as long as ____________ (fill in your own blank) Really? Is God’s power contingent upon our preferred outcomes? The bible says that God’s plans will not be thwarted. (Job 42:2, Isaiah 14:27) It doesn’t say the same thing about our plans. In fact, it says just the opposite. (Psalm 33:10; Isaiah 8:10 and Proverbs 19:21) Many Christians are missing great opportunities to serve God and cheating themselves of the abundant life promised us in John 10:10- because they are still waiting on that perfect marriage, that perfect church, perfect children, perfect job and ministry, and well-a perfect life by a standard that perhaps for years has been propagated by false theology, “Faith is not believing that God can but that God will…” (Fill in the blank) make my marriage perfect; Save my children from disastrous outcomes; give me the perfect job with the perfect boss with the perfect salary. 

Another way this might manifest itself: Well, maybe, rather than talk about problems in our marriage with a close and trusted Godly friend (of the same gender,) we keep it to ourselves. After all, if my marriage is in trouble, it must mean I don’t have enough faith, or the faith I have isn’t strong enough to ignite God’s power. It couldn’t be that sharing the daily issues of anxiety and strain and seeking out Godly counsel might put my marriage on a different path. Or, maybe rather than join a small group or enlist a mentor, I would avoid investing in deep intimate relationships, and not expect a small group or mentor experience to help me grow into spiritual maturity. If I need the help of someone else for that, then my faith must not be strong enough. Remember in this scenario, faith is not believing that God can, but that God will…” so that if he doesn’t then it must be me and my lack of belief. I think this theology possibly leads us to thinking that as a “Christian,” we must have it together at all times and always have the answer to our problems. If this were true, then Abraham, Jacob, Isaac, David, Esther, Ruth, Paul the Apostle, Peter, and a host of other Godly biblical men and women were the wrong people for the task at hand. Christianity would most certainly have died in the 1st century. It wasn’t perfect marriages, or perfect ministries, perfect leadership or perfect children that caused the glory of God to shine forth through these men and women. Rather it was their imperfect lives striving to be more and more like Jesus that made all the difference. 

I love love love the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Look at Daniel 3 with me. Okay, are you there yet? (Humming my favorite song.) Giving you time to go to Daniel 3 in your hard copy bibles, or your electronic bible; Okay got it? Now read verses 13-18. What do you see there? Some of the most powerful words in scripture you will ever read about 3 of the most faith filled God followers you will ever know. The Pagan king Nebuchadnezzar threatened to throw the three teenage boys into a hot fiery furnace if they did not bow down to him. This was there reply. And no matter how often I read it, it always gives me goose bumps. “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is ABLE to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But EVEN IF HE DOES NOT, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”

They knew and believed that God was way more powerful than that fiery furnace. They trusted 100% in the power of God to rescue them from that furnace, but they also knew that God’s plans would not be thwarted even if their desired outcome was different. “But even if he does not choose to rescue us from death or give us what we want or what we think we need, we will still believe in Him.” (paraphrase) 

Okay, we know the end to that story. God did indeed save them from the fiery pit that day. But similar accounts did not always end this way. During Nero’s reign as Roman emperor from 54-68 AD, he arrested and tortured Christians in Rome, before executing them with lavish publicity. Some were crucified, some were thrown to wild animals and others were burned alive as living torches. This included men, women, and children. Indeed Paul the Apostle was martyred in Rome around 64AD and this would have been under Nero’s reign of terror. We also know from scripture and history that all the disciples of Jesus (not including Judas Iscariot) met with violent martyred deaths, with the exception of John who ostensibly died of natural causes on the Island of Patmos. One might ask, “Was their faith not strong enough for God to show God’s power?” 

God is always faithful. God is always good. God will always prevail. How do we know this? The lesson was played out on the cross. The empty tomb reminds us that the One to whom we raise our hands and voices is King over all. The Creator of this Universe is more powerful than anything we could hope or imagine 1st and foremost. This power PRECLUDES our existence! Grappling with this truth will render us hopeless and “fruitless,” as we expend our energy waiting and hoping for someone or something to fill in all the missing blanks of our lives so that our faith can “prove itself.” On the other hand, grasping this truth will free us from a stronghold of futility and hopelessness and position us to grow in the knowledge and joy of Christ. (2 Peter 1:5-8) Are you grappling or grasping this truth?